The Altar of Me

This is another little something I whipped up at work today. Had to excuse myself quite a bit since it worked me up so. Had a bit of influence by the story "Justine".

The Altar Of Me

It starts off like most intimate moments. Kissing, fondling, rubbing, kneading. Followed by stronger, more passionate, more forceful shows of affection ... and lust. Pinching, biting, scratching. Slowly and surely you ply your way towards my core. Exploding with delight at each touch you introduce to my body. Each kiss, suck and bite washes over my being and radiates a sensation of fire across my face, neck, arms, chest, abdomen, thighs and legs.

As I lay in the bed I moan and writhe with want and longing ... a pleasure you will not grant me ... not yet ... and I ache and pain at the thought of being denied that essence of your being that I want so hungrily. Cat-like, you get on all fours and slowly make your way up over my body ... licking every inch of me as you travel upwards towards my face. Once you reach the end ... you gaze into my eyes ... with the strong conviction that you know my wants and desires ... and yet as I gaze back into your eyes I know that knowledge forearms you with the strength to be Lord and Master over my entire being. Yet, I look ... mesmerized ... content ... and waiting ...

Unblinking you quickly grab a firm hold of my hair and forcefully pull my head back. Exposing my neck and shoulders to your mouth. You trail your tongue from my ear, down my neck .. and stop at the shoulder to passionately bite down ... harder and harder .. my breath ... shallower and shallower ... my nipples painfully hardening sharply against your chest. As you continue this assault on my neck your free hand roams towards my awaiting altar. With force you make your way expertly inside with your fingers and partake of the passion you have arisen in me. The gushing forth of my desire spurns you aggressively on, continuing your assail on my shoulder. You pause as your hand leaves the warm wetness and you place your fingers on my mouth, coating my lips in a benediction of arousal and passion you have brought to light ... slowly you lick my lips ... then force your tongue between them ... prying them apart ... hungrily we invade each others' mouth with darting tongues and heaving sighs ... grinding ... moaning ... tasting my esscence ... comingling with each other ... and building up my desire and longing to be had by you ...

I grind against your hips hoping to awaken some wild abandon in you. But with that same act of want ... you pull away ... cooling my desires ... edging me on to the brink. You grab my wrists and open my arms, binding them to the restraints on the headboard. Then forcefully you graze your fingernails down my arms ... across my breasts ... abdomen ... hips. Making your passion known as the warmth of your markings throb, breaking me down further into a mad desire.

I feel the strength in your hands as you part my legs ... exposing myself to you. Scratching my inner thighs you make your way towards my ankles. Then, just like my wrists, you use the restraints at the foot of the bed. With one last, quick, deft movement I am yours. My body ... my being ... no longer mine. I am warm ... electric ... your nails mark paths that are opening my senses ... I am at your mercy.

And, for the final surrender ... you blindfold me ... I am at the mercy of my senses and your hand. Then, as if that was not enough you prohibit me to speak ... no control ... no say whatsoever ... complete trust and surrender. I am only to speak THE WORD when you have reached my limit ... and even then ... I will do my best to push beyond that boundary ...

It then begins. Your domination over me. The slow, shallow breath of your mouth praying upon my altar - lustful supplications. Warmth ... Coolness ... Warmth ... Coolness. Heaven and Hell. The feelings intensified a thousandfold, for the moment only capable of the sense of touch. Your breath feeling as if a thousand little fingers are prying to get in ... wanting ... desiring ... but you cool the fire as soon as there is a spark. Coolness ... then at your leisure your tongue extends towards that most pleasurable entrance. Instantly I can feel the heat as it approaches and I tense up in anticipation of what is to come ... but you stop just short ... and I pleadingly moan ... I writhe ... I struggle against the bindings ... yearning to be set free.

Patience.

Patience.

Patience ...

Good things come to those who wait.

And I am here for your pleasure ... your enjoyment ... your want ... your need!

You continue yet again ... teasing ... teasing ... teasing. And, finally at your whim you finally plunge your lusciously wet and warm tongue through the portal. Simultaneously taking a deep breath ... taste and smell. Licking me in adulating glee ... appreciating every inch that opens up to your wanton tongue. In return I grind against each assault of your tongue ... building ... building ... building. Your hands tighten around my hips. A strong, firm grip. Tighter and yet tighter still until your fingers make contact with my hipbones. Then release, as you scratch your territory ... laying claim to what is yours ... claiming my body in a way that nobody ever will ... or ever can. The battering ram of your tongue continues its' pillage of my altar ... tearing down the defenses with each stroke. Rawness ensues from my struggle to be free. My arms and legs tense as I yearn for liberation. To be in control ... but that is not allowed. More struggling ... rawness ... until pain and pleasure begin to combine into an intoxicatingly delicious concoction for the senses.

The Esscence Of Senses

This is a short little story that I wrote on my feelings of what a D/s relationship is.

The Esscence Of Senses

Silence. Nothing but Silence, and it is deafening. Too Loud. I can't take it. Restrained by my MASTER. Waiting for HIM. So I may please HIM ... An Eternity. Blindfolded ... So I cannot see the FUTURE, only experience the PRESENT, and ignore my PAST. No thinking, Just Action ... Just Now ... Just MASTER and slave ... Seperate ... Different ... But ALWAYS! ... EQUAL.

The same coin, different sides. Feeling vulnerable in my NAKEDNESS ... of BODY and SOUL ... Restrained. Blinded. Unaware of what will happen. But, TRUST ... Trust that there is ... LOVE ... and understand that FAITH ... in my MASTER will quell my ... FEARS ...

I have my Choice, and my Choice is to SURRENDER ... IT to HIM. To let HIM guide my PLEASURE ... for tonight. Mmmm ... I can feel his presence, like the warmth of a fire ... PASSION.

Hands. HIS hands. Roaming my body, not physically touching me, but yet they touch me ... their WARMTH ... their PRESENCE ... overpowering. Blindfolded and restrained makes every
TOUCH,
BREATH,
LICK, ...
... CARRESS ... overpowering.
Like it is the FIRST time such an act has been introduced to my body.

Concentrated ... Focused ...
... PLEASURE ...
Each lick ... on the Nipple, Breast, Arm, Neck, Earlobe, Cheek ... Trailing down then towards the ... Chest, Abdomen ... Detouring towards the ... Thighs ... Legs ... Avoiding the
ONE PLACE
That is becoming the concentrated core of all this
PLEASURE.

Writhing and Moaning ... telling with ACTIONS what words CANNOT justify. Cannot be expressed in a duly manner ... with WORDS ...

Only ACTION is allowed ... and primitive actions ... result in PRIMAL responses. Getting to the core ... the ESSCENCE of what is PLEASURE.

TRUST ... LOVE ... FAITH ...

The touch of APPRECIATION.

It defines the difference between just SEX amongst
TWO PEOPLE ... and
SEX between
TWO LOVERS.

And that difference is sublime ... When that ONE touches you ... in the same place ... In the same act ... That you have experienced before ... It takes on a whole new meaning. When the pretenses of EMOTION are discarded ... even for THAT moment ... nothing but SENSES rule the body ...
And ...

That is when you can fully UNDERSTAND, GRASP ... and EXPERIENCE the
TRUE meaning of ...
TRUST ... LOVE ... and ... FAITH.

The Journey Towards Branding!

What is branding? It is having a design or symbol placed on your body with heated stainless steel or a cauterizing tool.

What is the purpose? It depends on the receiver's perspective. To me it is a symbol of change ... awakening ... and self-acceptance. Everyone has their own little ritualistic celebrations for such things, and this is mine.

I also have been lucky to have an individual accept the task of finding a design for me. The meaning of which is primarily significant to me.

I would have to admit that the thought of going through this is bringing about anticipation and fear. Anticipation as to the design ... the experience ... and the hope that he will be there to see me through this. Fear ... of the pain mostly, but that can be dealt with ...

Through these past few months I have learned many things. Things that have awakened me to accepting myself and who I am. To see past the boundaries I have placed on myself, and see what lies beyond ... what have I prohibited myself from experiencing. And, this is a journey for the strong ... because rejection from many is sure to come along ... but that is of little consequence when I gain the world and myself in the end.

Awake and Alive

People. What is up with people in general. In my life I have only come upon a few select individuals who actually possess the virtue of reason ... to a certain extent. Other than that ... most people are part of the herd mentality.

I have learned to stay away from those type of individuals. Why should I put myself in that environment. I have learned to be myself. To not seek acceptance from others, but from myself ... and you know what ... dammit ... it feels good. Friggin' GOOD!

Now, I'm not proposing to be some cold, harsh bitch here. No, I still have values, ethics, morals ... in a secular context ... I do not attach society driven definitions to words that belong to us all. And, most of all I still have my feelings. By declaring these statements I'm not saying I will forever be happy. Just because something (ex. sadness, depression, loneliness ... you name it) goes away doesn't make it dissapear. It is still there, and always will be there. It is in how you deal with it, how you face it, how you interact with it.

I am FREE!

Life ... or something like it!

I find it strange at times how I can pull back from the world. To just sit there and be a casual observer of what happens in front of me. And, for some reason it always seems like other people's lives seem so much more interesting than mine.

What do I do but go to work, go home, work out ... and have a bit of youthful (though I am 29 - blegh!) indiscretions sprinkled throughout. For the longest it seemed like I was just following some unknown script, and looking into other people's lives ... well ... it made mine look kinda ... BLAH! ... BORING! ... and ... just plain sucky!

And, now I have run into a bump in that road of Life. One, that I never thought I would have to go through. So ... what could that be? I have the task at hand to decide what future road I will walk on ... and a good bit of that decision lies with what I will do with my present relationship.

Should I pick love or convenience. The hard road or the easy road. Decisions ... Decisions ... Decisions ... I know in the end it is up to me, and I keep in mind that sometimes the best path to take is the most difficult one. Because, in the end - whatever I pick ... I know it was all determined by me ... MY CHOICE ... MY LIFE.

Well, off for some introspection ... and talking to myself like a crazy woman to come to a DECISION.

What do you do when LIFE doesn't give you lemons ... but throws tomatoes!

Well, it's one of those "the world is against me" type of days. Mainly ... because it is. I guess I haven't exposed all the facets of myself here, but here goes.

I'm 29 years old (wow ... I can't believe I made it this far!). I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) or as doctors assuredly call it ... Syndrome X - plus, this brought about Type 2 diabetes. Life's a bowl of cherries (geesh! what's with all the LIFE and FOOD analogies!).

So, despite all this what else is it that can be wearing on me. Well, just the fact that around the corner I sense another medical malady coming my way. Since last Wednesday my right breast has been very tender and hurts like hell. Going to the doctor to see what's wrong with me now. I swear, I am so used to being poked and prodded that I am becoming apathetic to the whole process. It's almost got it's own rythm ... about every 3 months I get a through "overhaul" of my systems (AKA: The Works ... or Blood, Urine, and whatever else "analysis").

It's just that I have a reached a point where I am so friggin' sick and tired of .... of ... being SICK & TIRED! It wears on you sometimes, and to be honest ... I can't even recall a day when I felt good. That in itself is a sad thing. But, I trudge on ... draggin' my ass ever forward towards more ... "analyses". Yay! Woo Hoo! ... Gotta love it.

But, what's a girl to do. I just have to live it - or at least I try to convince myself. If I look at all this objectively I can see that i'm in a situation where I have to deal with it. I can't get rid of these "things", just gotta accept them ... deal with them as best as I can ... and move on. Though, it is hard to live a full life planned around what time you can take your pills ... most of the spontanaity is gone ... and it sucks.

Why me? Why me? Oh geesh ... I'm such a pathetic whiner. I'm learning though ... learning ... slowly but surely. Yeah, my hope is to look back at this blog and laugh ... at what a pathetic whiner was. Note I use the term WAS.

Ok ... that felt good ... almost therapeutic ... I have purged my mind. Thanks all for reading this vomit that has emerged from my mind, and not running away in horror holding your nose and mouth.

Later.